Swelltide.

My counseling hasn't been enough. On some level, I haven't been honest with myself; I haven't been honest with the people around me. What do you have, if you don't have truth? There are some big things that I haven't been honest about. And, I've bottled up a lot of guilt, shame, remorse...

I hate who I am. I am not happy. That is where it starts; being honest with yourself. I am not happy with my life and I am not happy with myself. I do not like the compromise of character that I have made for so many years. This affects everything. The relationship that I have with my girlfriend, my work and my family.

So. I must prove to myself, to the ones I love-- that my word is truth. Is real. That I say what I mean and act as I speak.