Swelltide.

I am playing hooky today. Which, is awesome-- it being only the third real day of classes. I feel like a real idiot.

Last night, after spending almost thirteen hours on homework, I got into to bed to study Spanish. Then, couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned. Switched ends of the bed. Took clothes off and put clothes on. At one point, I became so frustrated that I threw some things across the room and stormed off into the bath room. When I finally fell asleep, the sun was coming up.

I had plans of waking up early. Studying, and getting some things done. Finishing up homework. I doubt it will happen today. Any of it.

I would love to file a formal disability with the school-- I gave up that hope of playing at normalcy a long time ago-- but, in order to do so, you must be seeking 'help' with whatever condition you happen to have. In my case this would mean medication, which I can't afford or therapy, which I can't afford.

I don't want hand-outs. I just want to be able to sleep. As far as receiving some kind of aide or help with medication, I don't really know where to look. Many of the medications available for bipolar come with potentially nasty side effects or complications-- which require regular check-ups. Which, I don't have the money for.

When does this end?

I would hate to think that giving up my steady but dead-end job to go back to school and better myself was a mistake.

But, maybe it was.