Swelltide.

So... May since I have written last. So much has happened! My laptop died which explains my absence. Bought a smart phone, finally. Which I am writing from now.

We've had a friend move in with us. And her three kids. It hasn't been terrible. Nice actually that the house doesn't seem so empty. I try, really hard, at times to remain 'normal.' What ever that means anymore.

Still not on the meds. Haven't been to the shrink in months. My moods have been pretty drastic. Up and down. But, work has been slow this summer and not nearly as stressful as I remember it having been in the past.

The last few days have been rough. I have felt, dispite there people in the house, disconnected. Lonely. Isolated.

Depressed. I hope this is over soon but the dark has been much worse than in the past. I have been daydreaming about dying or disappearing. It seems morbid but is the truth.

Right now... I am drinking red wine on the porch, alone. The kids are passed out on the air matress inside. Everything is quiet. Bearable.