Swelltide.

So, the girlfriend read my earlier post about being bummed and telling everyone I was dealing with a cold. It seems silly now, that I would feel the need to mislead people-- especially her. Though, it wasn't intentional. I should have just told her that it was easier for me to tell everyone else that I wasn't 'feeling well.' Which, it is. I do not like having to explain when I am feeling low. I don't even like that I go through bouts-- sulking, being irritable and quiet. A friend at work asked me the other day why it is that I get sick so easily. Ha. Taking the path of least resistance is what I'm good at. Call me non-confrontational. Call me a wimp. It is easier. For some reason, or maybe I just think so, people accept the cold excuse better than the truth. Not that too many people really know the truth. Even the people who know, don't really know.

Swelltide.

It has been a few days (or weeks) since I've written. I've caught a serious cold or the flu. Over the weekend, I felt terrible. I haven't been sleeping well, waking up coughing. But, even with the burden of school work, and little sleep, my moods have been fairly stable. The anxiety that I was expecting at school has never really manifested-- probably due to my medication. Which is great.

My financial aide money has not yet arrived, and I am beginning to stress about it. I haven't paid rent still, and have a few bills due. I need the money. They said five to eight business days. It has been four or five. I need to let it go, and let things take care of themselves. I don't need to be worrying about money right now.

The girlfriend is staying at her mom's house. She isn't feeling well either and maybe she doesn't think that I am capable of taking care of her. There is obviously something going on. I don't know what to think about it yet. She says that she's tired of coming home to the mess, to things being disorganized. She needs a break. Fine. I think that, maybe, there is more to it. I've offered to stay over once I've caught up on school work. She didn't seem to like the idea.

I am going to focus on my school work. If there is anything she wants to talk about, I trust she will bring it up. We're both going through this transitional period where we are thinking about the things that we really want. Where we want our lives to go.

Maybe, I've taken on too much. That is one of my major concerns. Maybe I've taken on too much to make myself available to be there for the people who need me. I don't know. It is hard to process when you're learning physics for the first time, chemistry for the first time. Trying to brush up on math that you've forgotten years ago.

Speaking of school work, I need to get back to it. I'll write again when I can.