Swelltide.

I am hoping to be far more active now that my new PC has arrived. It is really difficult to post from a two inch screen from your cell phone. 

School has started back up. Already, having some issues staying on track, staying focused and getting things done. Anxiety, though as far as first days go, this semester was relatively smooth. 

Recently, I've had problems sleeping. Starting off the days feeling sluggish and tired. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I am wide awake. Probably time to start therapy back. Get back on the medication. Start dealing with the day to day stress again, rather than pretending that nothing bothers me.

Anyway, here is a link about about mental disorders and genetics that I came across today. More evidence has surfaced that many mental disorders may be the result of a gene at work. The article is worth a look. 

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/264715.php

Swelltide.

I didn't mean to go so long between posts, and I haven't anything new or overly exciting to report.

My new semester starts in earnest tomorrow. First lab tomorrow morning. Time to buckle down.

I am only taking two classes this semester. I got an email, the day before classes started, letting me know that I couldn't continue taking courses as I had them set up. A long story short-- all of the courses that would help me had filled up, once I had resolved the administrative stuff, and no one really seemed all that concerned with helping me out. No idea how this will affect my loans. No idea what this does to my status as a student or how this will affect my timeline for graduation. Hell, I am turning thirty this year-- so what is another few months, in the long run anyway?

I am trying to learn how to let things go. I  could have pushed the issue, but at some point you just have to admit that it isn't worth it. I am seriously considering transferring to a different university next year. I have not been impressed with this school at all. Registration has been a nightmare. The professors have been uninspiring. No one seems to take an active interest in the students.

Take things as they come...

I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. Restlessness. Especially just before bed, and I haven't been sleeping well. I wanted to pick up hours over the break to make some money, and there just wasn't any work. So, over the next month I will have money to be concerned about. I need to be careful, not to allow myself to become overly stressed, anxious, worried.

My moods have been stable. Though, I haven't been taking my medication for the last several days. No insurance. No money. Been meaning to schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist, and soon I may not have the time with homework due and tests, studying and schoolwork. I need to have the conversation with the doctor about a prescription that doesn't cost as much-- or even a combination of meds. I can't afford the hundred-something bucks a month on my own.

Swelltide.

Quick update here as I have a lot of studying to do and not a lot of time to finish it all. Test tomorrow. Stress.

My girlfriend has been diagnosed by a doctor as having depression and anxiety. Prescribed some medication and there you go. We didn't talk for long as she is still staying with her mom. The doctor didn't talk to her at all about going to talk to a shrink. Just, here you go-- have some pills. Sounds a lot like my experience as a kid going to the doctor and being prescribed Paxil. No conversation, just-- have some pills.

I wish she would consider going to talk to someone. Maybe she has. Maybe, she is considering it. I don't know yet. I know we're having a 'talk'. Soon. When I'm not busy every waking moment studying and trying to keep up with homework, tests, lab reports...

I know it was going to be this way, but I didn't know it was going to be this way, to this extent. I am having problems getting up on time. Surprise. Keeping on top of everything that is due, and when. Studying. It is too much. Now add some potential relationship stress, which will probably become some family stress, which will become personal stress.

I don't want a caretaker. I don't want someone always looking out for me. I just need some things to come easier. I should be concentrating on my test tomorrow, but instead am thinking about this 'talk' coming up.

Swelltide.

School orientation at the end of this week, with classes starting Monday. The amount of things I need to keep track of, remember and put in order is daunting. I still don't have my books. I need to get a parking pass. I have medication through the end of the month, around the time that my health insurance will probably drop, depending on how many hours I happen to get at work.

I am terrified, and it isn't the prospect of the hard work and little sleep that bothers me. I don't know what to expect, and I don't like that. I am wondering whether the anxiety that I experienced in high school and college years ago, will suddenly resurface. The whole idea of being in a small room without windows and around a bunch of strangers, causes me to feel claustrophobic. Now, there is also bipolar. I might tune out. Lose interest. I might scare a few people-- and that scares me.

There is no sense in worrying about things outside of my control, I know. Or, things that haven't happened yet. Sometimes, I can't help it.

Otherwise, I have felt pretty good lately. Especially considering the amount of sleep that I've been getting. I've felt rested. Content in knowing that things are about to change for me very soon, in a big way.