Swelltide.

House sitting. Whole place to myself, and nothing to do but study and T.V. School has been rough. Having a hard time keeping up-- which I've written about a dozen times before. I have been by myself for the last three or four days. Me and a dog. School, and then home-- me and a dog. It was nice for the first few days, but now I am bored and kind of lonely.

But things have been well. Haven't been working a lot. Haven't even gone into the office in almost two weeks. But, I go in tomorrow for a little bit.

Saw a girl that I dated in high school today. She's working at a store here in town. Ten years! Over ten years! Where does the time go?

Swelltide.

So, it is out to the family. I am bipolar. I have told my parents, my brother and my sister. A couple of friends. My girlfriend knows, of course-- and her parents. Everything has changed in the last year.

I have started school again, and have essentially left a job that I hated. Though, I stop in and say hello. Work a few hours, and then disappear for a week or two. I wish that I was doing better in school, but what can you do really? I have no regrets up to this point, with the only exception being that I wish I had more time to dedicate to everything. Studies. Family. Work. Music. Writing. Everything...

I don't yet regret telling my parents.

My girlfriend and I sat down with them last night to talk about rent, and it went really well. I need to stop assuming the worst from people-- one of the many things that I have learned about myself. I am a pessimist. We have cut a deal for the duration of me being in school, which is one less thing to worry about. Now, I can buckle down and spend the time on my studies that I've needed to dedicate all along, without the pressure of working as much as I can.

So, things-- for now, are well. Except for chemistry. Hah. I am doing what I can and for now, that is all that I can ask of myself. Everything seems to be working out.

Swelltide.

Still sleepless. Up late last night but, at least with the time change I won't have so much trouble waking up early tomorrow. Earlier anyway.

THE conversation with the folks tonight. We will see how that goes. I am tired of feeling anxious about it, worrying about it and thinking about it. I don't know what to expect, won't be surprised by anything that happens and will be glad that it is over. Get to move on-- here or elsewhere. Put school first, regardless of where we live. My only hope is that it doesn't damage the relationship that I have with my parents permanently. Which, is a possibility.

Talked to my aunt last night online about being bipolar. Brings the personal tally of people I have told up to five or six. She was kind enough to pass along some advice-- though, I suspect there are others in the family with bipolar, she is the only other one formally diagnosed. She is very open about it. I admire her for that.

Spoke with my academic adviser about my grades and the next semester. I may be downgrading my degree, depending on how the rest of the semester goes. Which is fine. I am glad that I have that option, and am still able to end up with a degree in the field that I want. I have been feeling so guilty about not doing better in school, with all the time that I've dedicated and with all the effort that I've put into it. The debt that I have accumulated to go. All of the sacrifices that I've made to make it happen.