Things are about to come to a head.
It is what happens when you put everyone before yourself.
personal writing of living with bipolar disorder. bipolar links, news and resources.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Swelltide.
A terrible day. In a horrible mood and though I tried not to, took it out on people around me.
Everything sometimes seems to be far more complicated than it needs to be. I couldn't print off something for school, the printer is broken. Go to my parents house, who just happened to get a new computer and printer today. The website is down. All day, have been attempting to study to sound of kids playing, baby crying, television-- always too damn loud. The house is a disaster. I'm retaining nothing that I've been studying for the last couple of days.
Yes, still have the family staying with us at the expense of my sanity, my grades and general peace and quiet. No, I am still not on my meds. Have tried for over a month now to sign up for the healthcare exchanges. Everyone around me knows the amount of stress I'm under, and have really been keeping some distance-- on a personal level. Not that anyone is really trying to make it easier for me. Not that they should and they're smart to back off, I think. I can feel a meltdown coming. A big one. And, I don't really know what to do about it.
School in general has been a disappointment. I have been a disappointment. Taking a break and going back to my tedious, dead-end job-- would be just as depressing and needlessly stressful for different reasons. Something has to give.
Everything sometimes seems to be far more complicated than it needs to be. I couldn't print off something for school, the printer is broken. Go to my parents house, who just happened to get a new computer and printer today. The website is down. All day, have been attempting to study to sound of kids playing, baby crying, television-- always too damn loud. The house is a disaster. I'm retaining nothing that I've been studying for the last couple of days.
Yes, still have the family staying with us at the expense of my sanity, my grades and general peace and quiet. No, I am still not on my meds. Have tried for over a month now to sign up for the healthcare exchanges. Everyone around me knows the amount of stress I'm under, and have really been keeping some distance-- on a personal level. Not that anyone is really trying to make it easier for me. Not that they should and they're smart to back off, I think. I can feel a meltdown coming. A big one. And, I don't really know what to do about it.
School in general has been a disappointment. I have been a disappointment. Taking a break and going back to my tedious, dead-end job-- would be just as depressing and needlessly stressful for different reasons. Something has to give.
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