Swelltide.

Money. Again.

I am trying hard not to obsess about it-- to let it stress me out, but I have none. Actually, I owe money. My bank account has a negative balance, I have a few creditors calling and almost all of my bills are past due. Again, my school hasn't yet cut me a refund check for the student loans that I have taken out, almost a month into the new semester. If I had known that these things took so long, I would have planned for it. I have been battling this bureaucratic apathy since going back to school. Some kid coming out of high school might have mom and dad available to help, but I don't. Not really.

Over the break, I tried to pick up some hours at work but things have slowed down. I got a call from the office a few days ago, but now with school, I don't have the time. There is some resentment, but who cares?

So, money. Money. I haven't been to see the shrink. I haven't been taken my medication. I haven't been to get my prescription filled. I can't afford it, and to make an appointment to talk about cheaper alternatives costs money.

I have been doing relatively well off the meds. My attitudes towards things have been much different since going to therapy. Though, I am still dealing with some anxiety. I am still not sleeping like I should. I still stress. Just not like I used to. My moods have been fairly stable.

I will be happy when the student loans come through. Our my taxes get done. When there isn't debt hanging over my head.

That is where I am at. Time to get some homework done.

Swelltide.

I didn't mean to go so long between posts, and I haven't anything new or overly exciting to report.

My new semester starts in earnest tomorrow. First lab tomorrow morning. Time to buckle down.

I am only taking two classes this semester. I got an email, the day before classes started, letting me know that I couldn't continue taking courses as I had them set up. A long story short-- all of the courses that would help me had filled up, once I had resolved the administrative stuff, and no one really seemed all that concerned with helping me out. No idea how this will affect my loans. No idea what this does to my status as a student or how this will affect my timeline for graduation. Hell, I am turning thirty this year-- so what is another few months, in the long run anyway?

I am trying to learn how to let things go. I  could have pushed the issue, but at some point you just have to admit that it isn't worth it. I am seriously considering transferring to a different university next year. I have not been impressed with this school at all. Registration has been a nightmare. The professors have been uninspiring. No one seems to take an active interest in the students.

Take things as they come...

I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. Restlessness. Especially just before bed, and I haven't been sleeping well. I wanted to pick up hours over the break to make some money, and there just wasn't any work. So, over the next month I will have money to be concerned about. I need to be careful, not to allow myself to become overly stressed, anxious, worried.

My moods have been stable. Though, I haven't been taking my medication for the last several days. No insurance. No money. Been meaning to schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist, and soon I may not have the time with homework due and tests, studying and schoolwork. I need to have the conversation with the doctor about a prescription that doesn't cost as much-- or even a combination of meds. I can't afford the hundred-something bucks a month on my own.