Swelltide.

Had dinner with the family the other night. The first time all of us have gotten together in a long time. Just mom, dad and the kids. I was so full of energy and had been feeling fuzzy, alternating between anxious and hyper for most of the day. Some woman at the table next to ours made some comment about every family having someone they just couldn't take out in public. It didn't bother me at the time. I just chuckled and didn't think about it. But, I've been thinking about it since. I am still not accustomed to calling this 'mania.' My girlfriend had noticed the other night when we went out that I was more hyper than normal, and was little too free with my money.

I have given up on the notion of being like other people. Sometimes, it doesn't seem fair. Living with the up-and-down. Sometimes not having the drive to get out of bed on time. Being overly excitable.  Being so full of energy that I can't hold it all in. Most of the time, I don't have any interest in being 'normal.'

Then, I think about what this is going to do for me in the long-run. Having to explain why my work performance has not been what it normally is. Having to make some excuse for why I am running late, again. Having those people close to me wondering about my mental-state. Living with the fear that I might not be able to make the kind of friendships and relationships that I want, knowing people don't really understand. I still don't fully understand.

I probably should make an appointment soon, get back on the meds.