Swelltide.

Even the closest people to me don't often know the extent of my worry, fear and depression. Rightfully so, maybe.

I am not capable of feeling much of anything at times. Numb is too mild of a word-- oblivious would be better. Void. Null. I could receive the world's best, or worse, news and the real emotional impact would be nothing. I have felt this way for the last several days. Being around family. Having semi-meaningful conversation with friends. I am finding meaning nor contentment in anything at the moment.

I have decided to take a break from school this fall. Whatever it might do to my getting the classes that I need later. I could use being able to spend a little money when I wish to. Saving money. Having the time and resources to do the things that I want to do.

I have also decided not to pursue therapy any longer. I get little out of it, beyond having the privilege of paying someone to listen to all of my petty problems. Not to say that for some it doesn't serve a purpose. Honestly, I think I just haven't had great luck finding the right shrink, but I don't have the time or money to shop around. I have, and have little to show for it. Not any sense of emotional growth or breakthrough.