Swelltide.

I need to find a balance. This is a hard thing to describe.

I need a balance between being bipolar and living my bipolar.

I have been doing homework. Reading about bipolar. Finding and reading blogs of people who live with bipolar. Keeping track of my moods and recording them on a mood chart. Paying attention to what might be a mood trigger. I have started seeing the weather-- the weather!!-- in terms of my bipolar. 'Its cloudy out today... wonder how that's going to make me feel...' I have my medication to remember and trying to eat healthy, because of bipolar. I have to try to get in some exercise, because of my bipolar. It has gotten a little tiring, and though this is what I am supposed to be doing-- it can't be healthy.

Surely, focusing on a diagnosis so much gives it a kind of energy. Three sessions with my new-age therapist and I've already started thinking this way. Hah.

Everything has become bipolar.

The balance, I think should be getting healthy and staying healthy for the sake of being healthier. Not just because of bipolar. I should want to exercise to be in better shape. I should want to not smoke so much, to not die at forty years old of a stroke. Not just because of bipolar. I should be trying to get regular sleep to feel better during the day. Not just because of bipolar.

I look forward to the day when my mood disorder is no longer in the front of my mind. I look forward to the day when everything isn't because of bipolar.