Swelltide.

It seems stupid.

I've been in a slump for the last several weeks. Feeling unmotivated. Feeling down. And now, there is the news about Robin Williams' death. It has everyone talking about depression and suicide. I'm having to change the channel or station when it comes on the T.V. or radio. I can't handle the chemically balanced talking speculatively about what it is like living with depression. Then, of course, the religiously-minded making terrible assumptions on where the guy went (or didn't go to) in the afterlife.

There seems little hope to me now, again, that if such a successful person-- having the money and children, fame and the attention of millions-- that I might ever be a fully functioning and completely happy person. Robin Williams, apparently, was very outspoken about being bipolar and living with the ups and downs. It isn't his suicide that makes now makes me feel so hopeless. It is the acknowledgement that this is a life-long and non-consensual commitment that has been made for me and against my will. I will be dealing with this shit for the rest of my life. An ideal that has been reinforced daily with the news coverage.

I wasn't aware prior that he was one of bipolar's own. He was a great actor and one that I liked more in a non-comedic role. Dead Poets Society or What Dreams May Come (though not a great movie in my opinion, but one in which his acting is superb). Is there not anyone in which there is a touch of madness that can't seem to live beyond it? I would really like to know.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/robin-williams-battle-depression-spotlights-celebrities-mental-illnesses-article-1.1900493

http://www.famousbipolarpeople.com/robin-williams.html