My life is exceedingly lonely, at times. It is easy to feel like people don't care, or don't bother to show that they care. It is easy to feel like the only person on earth going through what I go through. It isn't true, I know, but it feels that way at times.
Here it is, after two in the morning and I am scanning Facebook, inevitably coming across people that I once considered close friends. I search for people that I haven't talked to in years. People that I have had a falling-out with. Everything seems so distant and permanent.
My girlfriend and I were sitting around, talking about my family. I speak now about them in the past-tense. I feel like an outsider everywhere. At work. Here, living so close to my parents. When I am around my siblings. Around 'friends'. I have never been one of those people who have this need or drive to fit in. I have never understood conformist thinking. Not that I have dyed my hair blue and pierced my nose or anything. I am not much of a nonconformist either.
It would be nice to have more than a just one or two close friends around me, that I knew intimately. It is so hard to have an honest conversation with people now. Especially men. And I work in an industry full of bravado and ego. Blegh. How do you make friends, as an adult?
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I know it is hard to make friends. as an adult you look for different things in a friendship than when you were a child.. but should you really? think about things more from an innocent point of view. Sometimes even opening your self up will attract people to you. Remember friendship is a two way street.. if you are not approachable or your demeanor says "Go Away" you will keep people away. I am an Aquarius and a personality trait that we have is keeping an aloof distance and separating our selves from people. It is a struggle sometimes to maintain family and friendships. Don't give up on finding the companionship that you need. Keep you support system rolling and you will find what you need. I hope this helped you in some way.
ReplyDeleteMyla, thank you for your comment.
ReplyDeleteI do have an air about me that keeps people away. I just... don't know how to change it. Maybe I am too old now to make these kind of personality changes.
My girlfriend is an excellent support system. I have therapy, also. But, I want more. You know?