Swelltide.

Home. Quiet. She is at work and here I am, drinking cheap wine and watching Youtube videos. Clearing out the 5k emails I have.

I like quiet. Gives me the mental room I need to actually clear the air, focus on some things that I've been thinking about.

I like the implications of where life seems to be headed. I don't know if I am gong to like getting there so much. A lot of work. A lot of drive. A lot of focus. I need it all to get where I want to be. I really hope that I am up for it.

I know that everyone has heard bout the theater shooting in Colorado. It worries me. I got bored at work today in did some bipolar research on my cell phone.

My girlfriend said to me, not to long after my diagnosis of bipolar, that she didn't know if she could be with someone who acted on impulse alone and didn't have complete control of their actions. I reassured her. I have never been suicidal. I have never seriously given any thought to taking my own life, or anyone else's. But I have been someone else. I have had moments where I did really stupid things without thinking about them. It is a disturbing idea. That you are not yourself at times.

Deciding to kill strangers is obviously irrational. It screams mental-illness. Unbalance. A broken mind.

Like mine?