Swelltide.

What a battle.


I have not been sleeping well, which leaves me irritable, tired and grumpy for most of the day. Then comes the time for me to start thinking about going to bed, and I am not tired. I lay in bed thinking about stupid things that seem profound, large and important at the time. I toss and turn. I keep my girlfriend awake.


I have learned that my mood cycle is roughly two weeks. At the peek of those two weeks, I feel great and sleep without any problem. I am productive and sociable. You know the deal. For most of that time I am on my way down, or on my way up, or otherwise not feeling much like myself. I live for those for days where I am myself.


I guess this would be considered rapid cycling. Though, my periods of mania are not extreme. I have no delusions, though am more confident in myself than usual. I do talk faster, think faster. The classic bipolar symptoms.


A few days ago, at work, I came through the office upset. Frustrated. Talked about some things a little too honestly. My boss. Other people I work with. I sometimes have very little control over how I feel. Things just seem to spill over. I don't think any of these people consider me unstable, but they are cautious now. It is kind of a blessing. I get to tell people how things are and speak honestly. I get to vent and speak my mind. I am approached as a person, instead of being approached as an employee.


Well, that is where I am at. Not sleeping well. Tired. Irritable, but otherwise doing okay.